A Ray of Hope, A Shining Star

Happy Birthday

2009-08-11T11:19:00.001-07:00

Four years ago today a little miracle came in to my life. I didn’t know then how much I would love you. I didn’t know then, how I would wear my heart on my sleeve whenever you were concerned. I didn’t know then how much I would worry over your success and well being. I didn’t know then how much you would enrich my life, I mean, I knew . . . but I didn’t. I didn’t realize how you would make me laugh and smile. I didn’t realize you were going to teach me and help me to grow. There is so many things I didn’t realize back then. I didn’t realize you would be an only child. I didn’t realize that conceiving you was a big miracle. I just didn’t realize . . . but I do now, and I thank God that he blessed us with you.

Today you are 4, and I ask myself where has the time gone? Have I hugged and kissed you enough? Do you feel loved? Do you feel important? Do you realize the important place you have in my heart .... in our family?

How do I prepare you for life? How do I prepare you to be 5 then 6 then 7? As hurricane Katrina ripped up the gulf coast, I held you in my arms and tears ran down my cheeks. I realized then, that life will bring storms I may not be able to protect you from.

please know - I love you,

I’m proud of you.

I’ll always be a cheerleader in your corner.

Happy Birthday Son.

All my Love, Mom

Pirate Birthday Party

2009-08-10T20:32:00.000-07:00

Ugh Life

2009-07-22T11:19:00.000-07:00

This summer I've experienced a string of emotion. I guess that is what life is all about, but most of it left me reeling. Blogging has taken a back seat.

The down turn in the economy has left the airline I work for cutting jobs, another 1,700 yesterday, which doesn't take into account the thousand positions cut in May. Is it only a matter of time until I'm also out of work?

I've watched some family members make some poor decisions, some financial others that are more life altering and some that we have wanted to ignore for years.

I watched my brother go through alcohol detox. In my sheltered world, I've never seen anything quite so scary. A nurse never left his side. The hallucinations, the odd conversations were unsettling and unnerving. He had massive bruising from being tied to the bed and fighting to get free. The valium, high high doses of valium every 15 - 30 minutes, ten times the amount most alcoholics require. We almost lost him, we still may. How do you take it when the hospital social worker tells you to go home and prepare ... prepare for him to die. I'm not ready, this is one thing I know. He is doing so well right now, if only my will could sustain him.

One of my best friends went through a failed adoption. Life is so unfair.

And then there is Mason, How do I help this little boy succeed?

Thanksgiving Point Gardens

2009-07-20T09:42:00.000-07:00

Snowbird

2009-07-09T14:53:00.000-07:00

We had the opportunity to go to snowbird and take the tram to the top of the mountain. It was a very beautiful 50 degrees, a dramatic difference form the 90 degrees we had just left. I should have taken a jacket. I would have loved to sit for a long period of time and ponder life. It just wasn't meant to be on this trip.
The picture of our family is, well not the best but it is the only one we asked someone to take.

Fear

2009-06-26T17:36:00.001-07:00

Fear - a distressing emotion aroused by an impending pain, danger, etc. 2. a specific instance of such a feeling. 3. excessive anxiety 5. something of which one is afraid of that causes fright 6. to be frightened of
Random house dictionary

Fear,that terriable thing. I have a better understanding of it today.

He was missing, Mason was gone.

How long do you wait before you call for help? How many places do you search? I thought I had just seen him – a minute ago? Or was it two minutes ago? I ran to the stream, a place that he headed once my back was always turned. He wasn’t there . . . I doubled back – My family could tell I was distraught Was it the terror in my eyes? I didn't ask for help, but I desperatly needed help! They immediately began the search. Mason – Mason – Where are you? Mason - Would he answer, or would he hide thinking it was a game? He always wants to play hide and go seek lately. Where did he learn that game? I went to the bathrooms. Empty. He would occasionally run down by himself if he saw a family member headed in that direction. He thinks he is so grown up. I returned to camp and searched above our camp site, overgrown with vegetation, I had found him there several times already … nothing – I looked – everywhere I had found him before – fear – I felt more fear now than I think I have at any time before in my life. The more time that passed it grows in your chest. How was I going to tell Alan I had lost our son??? Alan had only been gone for a couple of hours. How stupid will I look on the news? Why was I thinking that? I felt powerless. I began to cry. Where else do I look? I dropped to my knees and begged God to help me. How long has it been since we started searching? Has it been 5 or 10 minutes? Had it been longer? If he fell into the stream how far would he be now? Where is my phone? Is someone else going to call or am I? Is this real? I can't think, How is it that now when I need to make decisions, good decisions quickly I'm unable to think. I feel like I'm moving in slow motion? What was he wearing? What color was that shirt? Brown pants. Yes brown pants. Why hadn't I put him in bright orange?

"We found him, we found him. Christine found him down by the river."

I think I should have told him how much I love him and how worried I had been. I don’t remember if I said anything. My chest was pounding, my head hurt. I was exhausted. I took his hand lead him back to the tent and found my I pod touch – I put on a Phineas and Ferb Show for him to watch. I laid on the air mattress, All I could think about was getting out of this canyon before I lost him again.

My Sisters, Mom and Dad soon same to check on me, (not all together) Don’t leave they all said. How could I ever do this for the next 24 hours alone? For different reasons, we all left that evening.

I never thought to ask Christine where she had found him. She later told me she found him in a ravine, about 3 campsites down, next to the river. The ravine was in a v shape and it was taller than he was. He was unable to stand up due to the angle and with the steep slope he was unable to get out. He was crying and afraid.
“I’m lost, Where’s my mommy.”

A day later my heart still races when I think about it.

To read more about this check out the other post.

Family camp out

2009-06-26T17:35:00.001-07:00

We had a family mid-week camping trip planned. We were going to a place called The Spruces. Most people around here know of it, if they haven’t stayed there themselves. It has been several years for us, since our family had last stayed. A couple of days before the trip I decided to upgraded our camping site from one that accommodates 12 people to a larger site across the road that easily accommodates 24 people. I kept the site in the same general location that we had before. I was so proud of myself! We had a campsite that was towards the back, - that way the kids could climb up the mountain (that was a far better choice than being by the river.)

It turned out I found the campsite map to be a little confusing. (I even took the survey telling them how wonderful the site was.) As Alan and I looked at it together a day before we were to check in, he informed me I had upgraded right next to the river. He wasn’t happy at all! He didn’t want us to be close to the river. All the children going, all 13 would be under age 11. Alan would only be with me for part of the time. Alan was planning on getting off work and joining us in the canyon. He would have to leave by about 10:30 am the next morning to get cleaned up and then go back to work. I would have Mason the rest of the day and the next night. This trip was going to be a lot of first's for Mason, His first time sleeping in the mountains, in a tent … His first time sleeping away from home – away from his bed.

I tried to be prepared with things that would keep him occupied. A coloring book – trucks to drive around, and a ton of various toys. Nothing worked. He would vanish that fast. I didn’t feel like I was pulling my weight of the responsibility. I didn’t have a choice. I had to keep an eye on him. One minute he would be there the next he was gone. I was so happy when Alan arrived the first night. I had only been on duty by myself for a couple of hours and I was already exhausted. It was easier when Alan was around, I must have relaxed and let him take care of most of the chasing. They walked and walked and walked. There were so many things Mason wanted to see and discover. Alan does a lot to help out with Mason. More than I sometimes give him credit for.

The camp out was a lot of fun. Despite my new blood pressure problem (Mason getting lost.)

Here are a few cute pictures of the family.

Ink

2009-06-18T16:11:00.000-07:00

I’m always amazed with the amount of ink I seem to go through on the printer. Alan always seems amazed too. It seems like there is always something that needs to be printed out, if not for myself then for scouts. We have a printer that takes 5 ink cartridges. Honestly, we should have a printer that only prints in black, but I wanted a printer that I could also use to print pictures with. Normally Ink costs us about $100.00. Right now it just seems like that was a lot of money. I have the next month off with out pay. It will be great to be home with Mason, but money will be a more tight than usual.
A week ago we had a blessing happen in our lives. Alan had a feeling to stop at a yard sale. I didn’t want to stop, yard sales equal me and Mason sitting in a hot car with both of us upset by the end. Alan says he will always “Be just a minute.” We calculate time differently, I go by a watch. After what seemed like forever he approached the car with an armful – A printer? We have a very nice printer, why would he buy another printer that didn’t look as nice as the one that we already owned? I was beside myself. When he got into the car he said “See, I had a feeling I should stop.” What do I say to that? My first unsaid reaction was if you want to throw away $10.00 , you could just give it to me. It turns out the printer takes the same cartridges that we needed for our printer (They were about half full) plus the printer came with an entire set of extra cartridges that had never been opened. This is a blessing in or lives. Often my prayers are filled with needs and sometimes with wants. Ink would never make the list. Or should it? Maybe it’s a chance, but I see it as a blessing from one who knows my needs, even needs that are trivial. As Alan put it “I had a feeling I needed to stop. I really did.”

Choices

2009-06-12T13:57:00.001-07:00

I was reading a book when Maosn approached - “Mom, we need to make good choices. Everyone needs to make good choices.”

I said - “Yes, you are right.

Mason - “Mommy, even you need to make good choices . . . I want a Popsicle.”

Life's lessons

2009-06-09T15:51:00.000-07:00

Lessons, life is funny about that, right when we feel we are comfortably on the right path some small comment will show far we still have to go. In this case as a family we were headed out the door to do a little shopping. We wanted to stop by a thrift store, a guilty pleasure, and then we needed to pick up a birthday present. Mason had been invited to attend a birthday party for the daughter of a coworker. It was at a time we had a prior commitment, Sydney’s Baptism. As we were in the car Mason asked where we were going, I told him to the thrift store and then I explained that he had been invited to birthday party but he wouldn’t be able to attend so we were going to go and buy a present so he could still give her something. (I never should have broken it to him like that.) I told him that his cousin was going to be baptized and explained that he was following the example of Jesus and that we were going to go to the baptism. It was quite for a moment, he was looking out the window, so I asked “Mason, when you grow up do you want to follow Jesus?” His response “No, I want to go to the birthday party.”

I found myself thinking about life and the lessons they teach, lesson we many want and others that catch us by surprise. Do I get caught up in the things of the world? Or do I follow the quiet promptings of my heart that leads me down a different path?

Goals

2009-06-05T15:01:00.000-07:00

That Which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do; not that the nature of the thing has changed, but our power to do so is increased. Emerson

I keep this quote in my scriptures, reading them is not something I'm necessarily good at. I should post it on the treadmill and the refrigerator too.

Like all goals some are more cumbersome. The more I persist the easier they become.

Accidents happen

2009-06-01T15:27:00.000-07:00

I try to keep a clean house, granted like most homes, mine gets dirty too, despite what a few of my sisters may think. Growing up being the oldest of seven children, something was always out of place. Back then it seemed like it was a much bigger deal than I realize it to be now, maybe the realization comes through age or maturity?
Although, I don’t remember the exact circumstances that brought Kimmie, my niece, to our home one evening a couple of years ago, I do remember the spaghetti we were having for dinner, and the important lesson I’ve carried in my heart since. I was lazy and left the pots on the stove. I dished up Kimmie’s spaghetti and sauce and placed her plate on the counter. (I’m still amazed with how much she can eat.) It was her job to carry the FULL plate from the counter to the table, all she needed to do was to pick up the plate, turn around and walk less than 3 feet and sit at the table. As she did this, the noodles and sauce slipped from the plate and splattered in a heap onto the floor, the cupboards and dishwasher were speckled. My clean, freshly mopped kitchen floor! the kitchen rug would never be the same. Before I had a chance to think, let alone react. She said: “Like my mom always say’s, accidents happen.” I was shocked, a little anger was growing ever so slowly . . . of all the things to say, no I’m sorry? … Dumbfounded I said “What else does you mom always say?” It was about this time that I realized this is no big deal, yes, it was a mess, it needed to be cleaned up, but it was not intentional. I continued: “If that’s what your mom says, she probably knows it’s true.”

This “accident” has blessed my life. I believe it was a blessing from the Lord to understand this simple principle before I would need it on a daily basis. It has helped me to be a better parent. When accidents happen, which they always do, I’m able to handle the situation differently than I may have if I had not received this precious gem. Sometimes Mason will start to cry, does he expect me to be angry? Maybe it’s the chocolate milk that was tipped over at the table, or mud tracked across the floor, “Was it an accident?” “Yes, mama, yes it was.” “Its ok son, accidents happen. Let’s clean it up.”

An End or a Beginning?

2009-05-29T16:19:00.001-07:00

(I wrote this several weeks ago.)

I think back to when it began, it hasn’t been very long, a couple of years at most. I felt guilty at first – It was an unnecessarily pleasure and I knew it. I felt it was a little frivolous but I completely justified it and more or less immersed myself in it. It was the first of a lifetime and I was making up for some lost time. How long can justification out weigh reality? Slowly the newness wore off and I enjoyed it less and less until I would go weeks, eventually months without it. (This description also applies to the treadmill too, but that’s hasn’t gone anywhere.) It was then I realized that it must go. So it has, the direct T.V. Is gone, and although we have a T.V. we have no programming coming into our home. Is this an end or a beginning?
I do miss it a little bit, but I don’t miss it at all either. I never watched it. I would hear others say “did you see so and so” or watch “such and such” and I was always clueless. Mason on the other hand loved having shows like Dora, Diego, Phineas and Ferb, and Curious George always available. He will say “mom, will you put on a show?” But . . . he hasn’t seemed to notice it’s gone either. We do have some DVD’s. I wonder how Alan will feel when the NBA season is underway? Will it matter? Direct T.V. tried really hard to keep us, 9 calls in one day, numerous letters. I give them credit for trying, but we were a lot cause. We never even redeemed the free movie coupon that they sent us. *sigh*

(I wrote this today.)
I never missed it . . . until today, when I heard it was Jay Leno’s last show. I thought “I’d like to see that,” And then I realized I wouldn’t be able to watch it, even if I wanted too.

A Shooting Star Moment

2009-05-27T19:55:00.001-07:00

We had a situation I’ll call a shooting star moment, I came up with that analogy at 3 in the morning so hopefully when I’m coherent I’ll still think it’s witty and applicable. I’ve always loved shooting stars. A shooting star moment is a moments of sheer brilliance, that seem to come out of nowhere, moments that leave us in awe, and then seem to disappear just as quickly as they arrived.

I’m sure this is just a coincidence, but as we were entering the cemetery to place flowers on my sister-in-laws’ grave. Mason said “Look, it says no dogs allowed.” I had been off in my own world. Had Alan told him that? Had I missed something? I responded still trying to grasp the situation “Yes, yes, you’re right it does say not dogs allowed, smarty pants.” He was thrilled and grinned from ear to ear. I kept thinking how does he know that? He has been learning the words to Hey diddle, diddle. Could this be it? Maybe?
This happened on a Friday, and was shortly dismissed. On Saturday we were leaving our neighborhood, a neighbor was having a yard sale and asked if we had seen any of his yard sale signs. We hadn’t been out yet, so as we approached the corner we took an extra couple of moments to comment that you couldn’t miss the yard sale signs. It was then Mason said “Look, it says Trail Avenue.” He knows his address, but he has never been told that small green street sign identified our street name. It was ever so brief I’ve watched for it since, “the shooting star moment” to reappear, it hasn’t, probably merely coincidences, but my “shooting star moment” non the least, he teaches me how to look at the world differently. I’m so thankful for that.

Children are a heritage of the Lord.

SLC Connect Pass

2009-05-27T17:49:00.001-07:00

My sister told me about this pass,I think that we will try to take advantage of it. There is a cost, but still may be a good value it you are staying home for vacation and want to do a lot of stuff. I wish we would have know about this pass last Thursday! We would have done more and saved money.

I'm not savey enough to have a link, so here is the site.

http://www.visitsaltlake.com/visit/activities/connect_pass/

Not quite as good as the Community Exploration pass issued through the libary since that pass is free.

Our Whirlwind Weekend

2009-05-27T08:39:00.000-07:00

Since I was on vacation, Alan also took a couple of days off over the already long Holiday weekend. He was off Friday through Tuesday. After a short deliberation we decided to stay at home, and take little day excursions. This was our scheduled plan:

Friday – Go to the Cemetery and go to Wheeler Farm
Saturday – Go swimming at the Rec-Center and enjoy the indoor play ground. Plant flowers in the evening.
Sunday – Attend church, and go over reunion plans with the family at family dinner.
Monday – Go to the Aviary and in the evening find a park with an awesome play area.
Tuesday – Go to the zoo and do cub scouts (which we normally do on Tuesday.) It was irnonic I chose this day for the zoo, thinking that it would be a little more calm than any other day. It was field trip day! I've never seem so many children packed in there before. The parking lot looked tranquil with no busses in site. We even parked close to the enterance, the best parking spot I've ever had at the zoo. Mason wanted to be just like the big kids,run free and go where he wanted verses, hold our hand and stay together. It made for a few dramatic moments. Our scouts were even at the zoo too, what a Suprise.

All in all, it was a whirlwind weekend. It was nice just to do things together as a family. Be thankful for our freedoms and not spend very much money. YEA.

Mason would say . . . “What are we going to do next.”He will have a hard time adjusting back to our slower paced life. He likes to be on the go. He would often say “I don’t want to go home.” I think that is because at home there is no one to play with.

Memorial day - Thank You!

2009-05-27T07:41:00.000-07:00

Memorial Day is a day to remember, and I found my thoughts lingering on our freedoms, I’m thankful for them, I thankful for the service men and women who sacrifice to ensure them. I’m thankful … very, very thankful.

"You're Fired"

2009-05-20T21:44:00.000-07:00

“You're fired”, is a phrase that my family coined long before Donald Trump made it famous. Once it became popular I did my best to refrain from using it. We had been saying this phrase off and on again for years, but suddenly it felt like we were just using the hottest catchy phrase.

With out thinking, and after a particular long frustrating day I muttered “You're fired” to Mason. He instantly began to cry, big alligator tears. I didn't think the remark was all that bad, I surely didn't think that it warranted the response it received. After several minutes I finally asked him why he was crying. I didn't get any further than tears. I put my arms around him, told him that I loved him and ask : “What do you think “you're fired” means?” His response “I have to find a new family.” It broke my heart. It was clearly not what I had intended.

I've thought a lot about this since it happened. I've thought about areas in my life where I have fallen short and deserved to “Be fired.” I'm so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who stands by me when I make poor decisions, Who stands by me when I deserve to “Be Fired,” Who beckons : “Come unto me” When I have been somewhat distant.

Hints

2009-05-15T15:45:00.000-07:00

I've found that before Christmas, an Anniversary or a Birthday I usually start dropping hints about possible gifts I wouldn't mind receiving, money is always nice. I don't want Alan to give me an exercise ball with out my approval, I can't see that situation being beneficial for either of us. Yes, If I don't drop the rights hints, everything seems to go horribly aray. Even with the right hints you never know what is in store. Last anniversary I was given an i pod touch. I love it. It's introduced me to the world of you tube. I didn't realize then, that the i pod touch was also going to be my birthday present 6 months later. I think somehow I should have been warned. I would of scaled back on the gift I had given him 2 weeks earlier. Just kidding, kinda. In all fairness, I don't think he meant for this to happen, but, it did. After 2 reminders, and 53 days it's time to give up. I chalk my favorite birthday gift up to a water bottle a coworker gave me. I really do love it.
It seems Mason has picked up on this knack of trying to drop hints, Mason loves gardening,flowers and plants. A couple of days ago the boys were out together and he went for the gusto. He ask for a garden wagon. That doesn't sound bad right? The Boys were in the truck and Alan started asking the find out questions. "Tell me about this garden wagon?"
What you and I know as a landscaping truck drove by. This was one with the monster trailers - at least 10 lawnmowers, 5 weed whackers etc. Mason said: "That one, I want one just like that." Later in the evening I asked Mason about this "garden wagon" I ask him who was going to drive the truck? His reply . . . "Mom, we don't need a truck, we will park it (the trailer) out front." The conversation also revealed that the tool compartment is loaded full of seeds. Everyone always tells me how expensive children are.

What is he going to want when he's 5?

Fear

2009-05-11T20:50:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite quotes is “Fear makes strangers of people who should be friends.”
I’ve long forgotten who wrote it, but I love it, I know it’s true. I find that even in the world of blogging – I often choose not to post comments, not that I don’t have any thing to share, or words of encouragement to offer, but out of fear. Yes, I know – Fear of What?
While I was in Switzerland I would always smile and say hello to people that I passed. One day, as we were returning from the market, I passed an older woman working in the yard. I smiled said Grutizi, and continued on my way. I had walked the length of her yard (having a yard is very, very uncommon) She called me back, and explained that she had forgotten who I was. I explained that we didn’t know one another, and that I just wanted to wish her well. She seemed quite relieved and I continued on my way. In this small community people normally would only greet one another when they were an acquaintance. It was true in that little town, and It’s true in our everyday lives.
“Fear makes strangers of people who should be friends.”

Care Free

2009-05-09T19:50:00.000-07:00

I’ve thought about posting this for several days now, but in the end decided why not.If we all had a chance to be a little bit happier, a little more go lucky-ish, more care free what kind of world would we have?

Would we enjoy the wind in our hair, and the sun on our back, imitation wool between out toes?

Fortunately for me, I found him out back. What would the neighbors say? Maybe for reasons like these the houses on both sides of us are up for sale. LOL

This is for you Dylan , thanks for asking.

2009-05-07T20:44:00.000-07:00

The progress of our garden via pictures, you can't see the pumpkins, watermelon, onions, herbs, raspberries or sunflowers.

What is your Interests?

2009-05-06T08:10:00.000-07:00

We all have interests, some people like books, others may enjoy Trains, Models or History. How about blogging? Or Scrap booking, (something I was never very good at.) We all have likes, children do too. Turtles, Geckos, Mushrooms, Dolls. How about Nature, Outer Space or Rocket Engines, I’ll add Chemistry and Physics to the list too. My Son likes Flowers and Plants and Seeds, (His favorite seed being Morning Glory. *SIGH*) the color Yellow and Dora, Whom he loves and insists is a boy. A couple of weeks ago Mason’s preschool class was learning about seeds, and plants. I think, up to this point, it was the highlight of his year. Finally, he was excited; he had so much he wanted to share, which ironically, didn’t fit into the teachers’ agenda. To reinforce the colors they had learned thus far in the year, she would hold up a picture of a plant, tree, or bush and want the children to identify the color. Mason would usually shout the answer out of turn. That’s an orange marigold, a purple lilac, a yellow sunflower Etc. One mother commented “I think he knows more about flowers than I do.” He probably does. An extreme interest comes with its good and it’s bad. It's intense, very intense.

The good, we have discovered the problem our raspberries were having last year. The raspberries’ are planted on the wrong side of the yard. The plants should face east (not west), and have well drained soil. If the soil has a lot of clay in it, the raspberries’ should be placed in a raised garden. Because of the poor soil and the blistering sun, the raspberries’ develop root rot. Yea, we know the problem,the recommended solution is tearing up the yard; hopefully vermiculite will help get us through this year and maybe the next if we are working off of a list.

The bad, I’m constantly tested. Just this morning we were looking at identification cards, The cards, show a picture of an item on the front, and a paper folds out and tells you everything you would ever need to know about what ever the card is on. We came across an Artichoke card. Mason asks, “What is this?” I told him an Artichoke, It was written across the top of the paper. He responds “No, it’s not.” I explain that I had read it, and showed him where on the card it said Artichoke. I Said, “Let’s sound it out.” “NO, it looks like a succulent.” (A soft cactus) I’m right your wrong, end of story. He’s not mean about it, he’s just confidant that he is right, always right. Another example . . . He will show me a picture and ask “What is this?” I’ll respond with the right answer ,“A Shasta Daisy” “Right, Good Job Mom.” It’s amazing that he uses the same positive reinforcements on me that I use on him.
I know more about flowers now, which still is not a lot, than ever before. I need to be thankful he doesn't love rats or snakes. If anyone has any suggestion on how to get him interested in Physics or Chemistry. You know the old saying Love wat you do and you never work a day in you life. If nothing else I can always smile he I ask him: So, you want to be a horticulturist when you grow up . He becomes serious, sometimes starts to cry and says “No, I want to plant seeds when I grow up.”
I’m blessed to have someone remind me to look at the beauty in the world, someone who helps me see things differently. As Mason would say while we are driving, “I wish that car would move so I can see the flowers.” In other words:I know there is beauty, I my not be able to see it, yet, but I know it is there. Isn't that true with life too? Sometimes we can't see past the moment, the trial, the disappointment or the heart ache to actually see how we have grown, developed and maybe even proved ourselves. Flowers, what a beautiful interest.

"Swim Now for Autism Event"

2009-05-02T22:15:00.000-07:00

**check out Christine's awesome post on the Autism Walk at dynomitegirlandfamily.blogspot.com

Today was a GREAT day! The weather was . . . well, grim at best, if you planned on spending hours outdoors . . . which was exactly what was in our forecast. We knew that we were going to be involved in a very special event, Utah's Second Walk Now for Autism. What we didn't know was that it would become a “Swim Now for Autism”. The Children couldn't have been more wet even if they had we jumped into a swimming pool . . . Wait that happened. Mason fell into an actual kiddie pool filled with plastic ducks while trying to win a prize. The large air slides, well, Notice no other children in the picture. Don't children flock to these things? Yes, Just My Son, with a large puddle looming. Mason's second "swimming pool" of the day.

At one point I thought Could it rain any harder? When do you start looking for flotation devices? Or an Ark??? Would I do it again? A resounding Yes! With a larger umbrella! Note to self Buy one or two!
Thank You, Thank You, Thank You – to all of my family and friends who generously donated. I really appreciate it.

As We met up this morning I asked all of my sisters why they planned on walking today. We all have different reasons, although a strong common denominator is love. I wanted to post the video here, but rain, time, rain and cold children eventually changed those plans.

So, Here's a few of my reasons :
I walked today because I care, Autism has forever touched my life. I walked today because the numbers have reached unjustifiable proportions, 1 in 150 children will be diagnosed with Autism, The numbers in Utah are 1 in 133 children, those numbers are staggering! I walked today because I want to be a piece in solving the puzzle of Autism. I walked for the 67 cases that were diagnosed today, for the 67 families that now will face challenges they never expected. I walked today because Autism doesn't receive the funding needed nor the coverage deserved from insurance companies. I walked today in the cold wet rain because this disorder never takes a day off, it never pauses for a more convenient time. I walked today with the heartache of knowing and loving someone with Autism. I know the worry, the concern, the financial liability and the hope associated with this disorder. I walked today because I cannot save the world, but I can make a difference, Even if that difference in some regards is small.

We missed our family members who couldn't make it.

Family

2009-04-28T12:30:00.000-07:00

Since I start work before the sun comes up, I really enjoy the weekends and staying in bed. I normally wake up early, but it’s nice just to stay in bed with out the pressure of deciding how many times I’ve already hit the snooze button. Last Saturday Mason wandered into our bedroom about 7:00 am. I was reading with a Lamp. He crawled into Our bed after I tried to steer him towards toys or cartoons. Finally in desperation I asked: Are you and little Angel or a little Devil? He looked at me with an unusual expression and responded, “I’m Family.” .
The thought occurred to me that some of our greatest happiness' and deepest sorrow's are all experienced with family.

Motherhood is a truly great thing.

“You're My Hero”

2009-04-25T18:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, My three year old Son said “You're My Hero.” This was the first time of hopefully many said or unsaid occasions. I didn't deserve it, I had done exactly what he had wanted me to do. I dumped the water out of his sandbox. It's not hero status, No, not close. BUT, I'll still relish in it a little bit. Next to I love you, and maybe I need you. Being the hero of my child is a role I want to deserve. A role that I realize will probably not last forever.

My question is: What makes up a great Hero?

Preforming an extraordinary feat?
Being a tremendous athlete?
A talented musician?
A philanthropist?
Or Consistently living what you believe, Being there to: Celebrating the successes, wiping away the tears, patching the skinned knee and consoling bruised heart, To whisper that you're the best, and B's are just as good as A's if you did your best. To leave no room for doubt that you are wanted, needed and Loved.

Thanks Mom and Dad, You've set a tremendous example for me.

Earth Day

2009-04-22T20:09:00.000-07:00

*This is a lot longer than I ever thought that it would be.

Just a couple of weeks ago I read an article “10 things to teach your kids this earth day.” By Jacqueline Bodnar the first part of the article said: “Here are 10 things you can teach your kids about earth day that will help make a difference.” Ok, I was intrigued. There is something to be said about making a difference. I think we all want to make a difference, someway somehow.
I believe it is our responsibility to take care of the planet. That being said, I don’t buy into fanatical thought or action one way or the other.

Here is the 10
1. Avoid Plastic Bags – I really didn’t think very much about plastic bags until last year. I always recycled them, and that seemed good enough. I stocked up until I had way too many and then I took them over to Wal-Mart. Alan and I had a week where the cub scouts had to learn about taking care of the earth and recycling, I learned the statics, the EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) estimated that it takes 1,000 years for a plastic bag to decompose. I bought reusable bags. I'm getting better at using them. I just need to remember to carry them into the store.
2. Reduce – “Look at things and decide if they are really needed.” In the book Born on a blue day by Daniel Talmet, he is able to calculate what he and his partner will eat and buys no more. a example would be 1 Orange each day for 2 people equal 14 oranges for the week. I really like this concept. Often times I’ll clean out the fridge and throw out things we never touched. It was such a big waste of money.
3. Recycle – Finally, one I have a system for. When I was first married I had boxed in the garage. Tin, paper, aluminum, glass, card board. I was newly married and this was the hip thing,(At least I thought it was.)) I loved the concept, but it was too hard. My community didn’t facilitate and drop off points. I had boxes full of stuff and no place close to drop it off. It was frustrating. It didn’t last more than a year. Thankfully the city has implemented a recycling plan and all I have to do it put out the recycle container twice a month with the trash. YEA.
4. Save water . . . Do I need to say more on this?
5. Keep it clean- Putting our trash where it belongs just makes sense. Once I traveled to a third world country with friends. In some of the remote areas, it was acceptable to throw things on the ground. It bothered me, the importance of properly disposing of whatever you have used or consumed has always stuck with me.
6. Shop ‘used’ – I'm a little too good at this, if you know what I mean. I spend more money than I should at thrift stores. If I find something that I want/need at a thrift store that normally costs $10.00 but I buy it for $1.00. Does that mean I have another $9.00 I can spend? Last year I bought all of my mom’s Christmas present for the grandkids at thrift stores. All new merchandise. I'm not finding quite as much this year for mom, but pleanty still makes it home with me. I must admit Mason has some really cool toys that we probably would not have bought otherwise.
7. Donate ‘old’ – The only way this would be better, is if the good will store would issue a merchandise credit equal to the amount of your donation. That would save me a lot of money.
8. Plant a Garden- I’ll have some more pictures to come on this. I know I’m blogging a lot about this right now . . . it just that is really what is going on in my life. This year the garden will be a much larger scale than ever before. The boxes are assembled and we will mix dirt tomorrow. We are doing square foot gardening.
9. Everyone counts- You make a difference and so do I. I love the starfish story. A boy is walking on the beach covered with starfish that has been washed ashore, He continues to pick one up and throw it into the ocean. Someone approaches, watches him for awhile and tell him the effort is in vain he will never be able to clear the beach the boy throw another starfish into the ocean and says It made a difference to that one. (OR something like that.)
10. Live Green – “Caring for the planet is something that we should do everyday.”
I can do a better job of it. We live in a beautiful world. I feel blessed.I have seen many beautiful things! I have some great memories. I want to see more of our beautiful planet. I want the beauty of it to be around for a long time.

40 to 70 in nothing flat

2009-04-19T20:51:00.000-07:00

No, Not my Ford Focus . . . the weather. It really feels like spring and I love it. We worked in the yard on Saturday and accomplished some great projects. We have more to come, many many more projects to come. In the next couple of weeks we will be a Lowes preferred customer. We haven't had that made up status since we finished the basement.
Today, after church Mason said “it feels like a desert in our car.” Just wait buddy, ... we don't have central air. You have no idea. We savor the luxory of central air in stores and other family member's homes.
I haven't had the smashing success with the planters. We seem to do a great job of getting them to sprout and then killing them off just as fast. We do have a few thing that are coming along, just slower than I would like. It will be great to get the sunflower cups out of all the windows and get them planted. I'm afraid before long they will all die off too. The bush beans and the pumpkins look good. Tomatoes and green peppers look ok. Cucumbers are not doing well. Zinas and marigolds will survive, Hopefully the pansies will make it. (For crying out loud, . . . Mason tinks we are going to plant morning glory – One of his favorite flowers or should I call it a weed? , We had enough last year thanks, of coarse I didn't plant it, and it drove me crazy all summer long!)

Thorns or no Thorns

2009-04-15T20:11:00.000-07:00

I was thinking today: How well do I really know the people that I love? Do I know how the feel about religion? (I’ve often thought that I do, but maybe I don’t.) Do I know how they feel about Politics? Do I understand what issues are important to them? Do I know their simple likes and dislikes their fears? . . . What about the desires of their heart do I know these things???

Little bug loves Cactus plants. For Easter we bought him a little start your own cactus garden kit. He loved it! We planted the seeds on Sunday and the box prepared us the germination could take place anywhere from 7 to 56 days. It’s only been 3 days since they were planted and he climbs up into the window to check on them a couple of times a day.

I promised little bug that we would go to home depot and buy a cactus plant tonight. Little did I know he doesn’t like cacti with thorns. Who Knew? He had never told me that before. - Did I miss a clue that I should have picked up on? We have a whole window full of catci that's going to have thorns. Several giant Saguaro seed may germinate . . . won't that be fun in the kitchen when they are 8 feet tall.

We look at Cactus plants on the internet frequently. You’d never believe all the different types! He seems to love all the different varieties. I honesty think we have looked up, (I’m sure of it.) every site that sells cactus anything! We always hope to run across a book at good will, which we never do. I guess either there are not a lot of avid Cactus lovers donating books to good will or there are not a lot of avid cactus lovers. If little bug could see Arizona he would want to move.

How well do we know those that we love? Or, Do we know only what people want us to know, even if it's those we hold close to our hearts?

EASTER

2009-04-13T12:19:00.000-07:00

I love Easter. Oh, I love other holidays too, but Easter, How I love Easter. It holds a special place in my heart. I love the time of year, the Flowers, the Rain. I love watching everything come alive after the harsh winter. I love the understanding and knowledge and hope Easter brings. It assures me that the events that took place on October 12th, January 15th, March 21st, and dates that are still to come, are merely difficult inconvenience in continuing relationships. “He is not here, but he is risen. . . . Jesus himself stood in the midst of them, and saith unto them, Peace be unto you.” Luke 24:6, 36

Happy Easter

The Economic Down turn

2009-04-10T13:35:00.000-07:00

I knew this was bound to happen sooner or later, the economic down turn has finally caught up to my company, once again. You always hope that the economy will bounce back sooner versus later. My company will be looking a furloughs NOT company offered leave of Absences. Which have typically been offered in the past several years. Our March, revenue dropped 19% compared to last year during the same period. Scary numbers if you ask me. I don't believe I will be in the furlough numbers, however you never know and small changes like this often create issues with scheduling. I may be a new night employee this fall. Every time we cut personal off the bottom end. I'm one person closer to my job being eliminated too.

Money

2009-04-06T20:06:00.000-07:00

Have you ever given someone a hard time just for argument sake? Not long ago my sister had a post on her blog about money. I gave her a hard time, the truth of the matter was. I wanted her to think about a few things and have a dialogue with her. Lately, …. I’m the one that’s been doing a lot of thinking about money.

Money, Money, Money SO, Here are the questions taken from:
If you had a million dollars By J Sewell.

1. Below what salary would you be embarrassed to tell people what your family made?
. . . I feel like this should have a number attached to it right? Regardless of income, if someone is trying their absolute best, shouldn’t that be good enough?
I guess the answer would be to: make less that the cost of your living expenses and bills. – whatever that amount would be.

2. Which do you think of more often sex or money?
MONEY, MONEY, MONEY

3. If you spend time with a friend who has significantly less money, do you act differently?
This is the hard one – I would seriously hope that I would not act differently. An act is an act. The only thing worse than an act, is for someone to know that you are acting. I think there are plenty of people who are able to handle money, compassion, tact, warmth and love simultaneously.

4. If money were no object, where would you live?
I don’t need a larger home. I have a hard time keeping this one clean. Maybe a different location, I like living near my family. I do wish a particular friend lived a lot closer!

5. For you, is there a contradiction between religious faith and seeking financial wealth?
Why would there be? No apparently I don’t.

6. When parents write their will, should the child who has six children to raise get more than the child who has only one child to raise.
Wow this is a question that hits close to home. I only have one child. I don’t think that parents should have to owe their children anything upon death . . . However, What if a child has a disability, for what ever reason they are unable to provide for themselves and their family. What then?

7. What would you pay to know the exact date and time you will pass away? Would you share this information? I wouldn’t pay a lot, if anything. I’m frugal, but death does bother me. Sometime’s more than others. Who would take care of Hubby and little Bug? Yes, hubby could remarry (sigh). . . but what about little Bug? I always want to care for him. (Not in the always always sorta way . More like until you grown up sorta way.) Just today I was behind a construction truck on the freeway. The thought came to me what if that huge ladder slipped of the truck and went right through my windshield – I’d be a goner. I changed lanes! No, I don’t think that I would share it. That would seem awkward … Hum, Tomorrow is it. I wouldn't want people to look at me an think , "she is a goner tomorrow." How many more tears would be shed – I love you said – future plan discussed. I would want to spend individual quality time with all of my family and friends so I could tell them that I loved them and what they meant to me. With out saying “Keep Thursday open, looks like rain.”

8. Who spends more on frivolous items, you are your husband?
Hubby, spend more, although I spend my fair share. There is something about a good old book.

9. A friend files for divorce, asking for more than half of the assets because her spouse cheated on her. Fair? Regardless, Divorce strikes me as something that is never fair. Money is unable, in my opinion, to compensate for the emotional toll that situation would have on someone. Money would only bring a degree of satisfaction, it wouldn't restore true happiness.

10. When has money been an obstacle to your well-being?

When I was in college I ate peanut butter and Jelly sandwiches for 6 weeks straight every meal. There wasn’t a lot of money at home and I hadn’t been as wise with my grant money as I should have been.

How about You?

I Can Do This

2009-04-03T13:31:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about creating a blog for sometime now. I vacillated between it being a good idea or not. By nature I'm a private person, and a blog would be a direct line to my thoughts and feelings. Can anything make you feel more venerable than people really knowing how you think and feel? For whatever crazy reason the scale tipped last night and here we are today desperately trying to figure out the world of blogging, a world I've often enjoyed, but a world I never planned on joining. Now I have the job of creating a cute site, and (for the life of me) thinking of meaningful things to write about. Besides privacy issues, I worried about what in my life could possible be interesting enough to write about. Then I realized that no one will read my blog and I guess that should put my fears to rest about content. Right? (Since no one is going to read this ... was I just like talking to my self?)

TAG

2009-04-02T21:20:00.000-07:00

1. I still wish on stars.
2. I love the cool rain on a hot summer day.
3. I love my Sisters, All 4 of them . . . for different reasons , (Ususally at different times.)
4. I’m inspired by my Grandmothers', They taught me to work hard and that Life is full challenges, difficult challenges . They will be different for everyone, but we will all have them.
5. Whenever I want to call in sick for work, I think of the quote “There is a fine line between sickness and Laziness.” I get dressed and go to work.
6. I hit the snooze button more than I should. If I knew that I would be able to get up the first time the alarm goes off, I could set the alarm for a half hour later.
7. I love to sleep; I haven’t slept through the night in the past 4 years.
8. I’ve always take idioms for granted. What does it mean when we say
“It is raining Cat’s and Dog’s?” Bug: “Someone is going to get bit.”
9. I love my Son, more and more each day.
10. When I was younger my favorite show was the Dukes of Hazard.
***I thought those guys were Hot.***
11. I worry about a zillion things, and have the gray hair to prove it. I worry about the gray hair, Of course – I worry that hair dye cause’s cancer. It’s a no win situation really.
12. I’m afraid of failing my Son.
13. I love dogs, but I don't want another living being in my home that needs me to provide for it.
14. I always enjoy reading the obituaries and the classified ads.
15. I don’t like doing the dishes or cleaning the toilet, but I still do both.
16. I’m more impatient as a mother than I ever though I would be.
17. I’m a perfectionist, only at some things. (Probaly not at the right things.)
18. I love to read.
19. I over analyze situations, and I'm hard on myself because of that.
20. I need to spend more time nurturing the relationship with my husband.
21. 5 years ago I didn’t know I would think about autism everyday.
22. I’m afraid of being hurt by others.
23. My family has our share of skeletons in the closet. I’m afraid one of those skeletons will creep out of the closet and my blog will end up on the news.
24. Sometimes I’m lonely.
25. I hope I can be as good to my Son, as My Parents were to me.